How to deal with a harsh person
by ครูเงาะ รสสุคนธ์ กองเกตุ
Translated by Formix
Sometimes a harsh person is the one who is just different from us. Perhaps it is because we are soft and gentle, so we call others a harsh person.
To begin with, the most important thing is we should stop calling others a harsh person because we will feel that we have less impact than him. We will imagine of him being superior to us.
However, a harsh person sometimes has something in his mind, he might be in a family that always talks loudly, or he is straightforward. Therefore, instead of being scared, it is better to have an empathy for him.
You should not define others negatively in advance. If you do that, your mind might lose since the conversation began.
Try to understand what he needs or his feeling.
The reason why a person become resentful is first; she is not able to express her needs, or other people do not get what she needs. When her needs cannot be vented, the resentment comes.
Second, others do not acknowledge her feelings. If there is someone who supports her feeling, it will lessen the chance that she will act furiously. There is no one who always looks for trouble with others or wants to be whiner. There must be something in her life that is not fulfilled and yet it makes her feel irritated and act harshly.
Third, she feels that she is unworthy or not exist. To grab others’ attention, she must act furiously.
Everyone does have an anger feeling but expresses it in different level. It depends on a person how she grows up. Here are 3 ways to make a person cool down.
First, support her feelings. Do not tell her to “Calm down”, it means that deep down you think she is hot-headed. Your saying is like “Calm down (you are so damn hot-headed)”. It doesn’t help her; moreover, it makes her feel infuriating like ‘Calm-down?!! Don’t you see that I’m angry?! blah blah…’. The one that tell her to calm down dies first.
Whenever a person feels angry, just support her feeling. It does not mean being a person that she can take it out on you whenever she wants to. Being supportive is acknowledging how she feels by saying that “Hey, I know that you are angry or displeased blah blah…”. This will cool down her anger.
After being supportive, do not forget to please her. A harsh person deep down feels like she is not good enough. She always whines other people because she feels that she cannot control things. Therefore, do not forget to appreciate her like “I know that you want to make things better. I know that you are willing to do this.” You should keep doing both time when she is angry or when she did good things. For example, when your mom cooked food for you, tell her that “Thank you mom, I know that you are tired, but you still cooked this for me. That’s very kind of you”.
Normally a harsh person feels that she has a dry heart. You should be a water in her dry and desert heart and keep fulfilling her. In human nature, a person does not kill the only oasis in her heart.
Therefore, understand her, appreciate her, and lastly, be responsible to her.
The person who is bad-tempered feels that no one listens to him what he needs. You should ask him whether he wants this. If you do not know, show that it is your problem that you do not understand him, and you are willing to understand him or know what he wants and what you must do to make him happier.
In case he does not listen to you, ask him for advice what you should do because he will feel that he is important and the oasis in his heart grows.
There are two types of person; the fearful and harsh person. The fearful needs love whereas the harsh needs acceptance. You can even do this technique with the person you do not like.
Before you judge others a harsh, bad-tempered person, ask yourself if really she is harsh. What does she want, feel or scare of? When you can give her what she wants, there is no reason why she would be bad-tempered to you.
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