Achieving Active Listening
Listen closely to what I am about to say. Hear me out.
(Job 13:17)
Has your spouse ever complained, “I just feel like you’re not listening to me when I talk”? Quality conversation requires active listening. As we read the book of Job, we see the suffering Job increasingly frustrated with his would-be comforters. Each time they respond, it becomes clear to him that they did not really comprehend what he said. Finally he erupts with, “Hear me out!” That is one frustration you don’t want your spouse to share.
Let me offer some suggestions for how to listen effectively.
Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking. This keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that your spouse has your full attention.
Drop all other activities when your spouse is talking. I know that it may be possible for you to watch TV and listen to your spouse at the same time, but the message your spouse is getting is that what he is saying is not very important.
Listen for feelings and reflect what you hear. “It sounds like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot to take the garbage out this morning.” Now your spouse knows that you are listening, and she can go on to clarify her feelings and desires.
Observe body language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, and tears may give you insight into how strongly your spouse feels about what he or she is saying. The stronger the feeling, the more important it is that you give your spouse your undivided attention.
Lord Jesus, I know I need to listen to my spouse more carefully. I want to communicate that I really understand and that the words I hear are important to me. Please help me today to listen with love and care.
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