GOT bangkok and ME
it’s been a while to me to go out and enjoy with the loud music, people, and expensive whiskey
wish u were here
this words is simple but there’s so many things that i couldn’t explain by text.
for me. when i found somewhere is really good place such as restaurants, club, bar, city or etc.
i still want to bring u to here cuz u may like it.
but now. i come alone with no hope.
no hope to see
no hope to share
when i can get over it?
i always ask myself everyday
alright. let’s get in the topic:)
the reason i come to here. bcuz i just want to enjoy myself and im just sick of stay at home which is make me think too much.
at first i saw this place in tiktok when i scroll down.
and then i decided to come here right away.
yeah at first i feel enjoy cuz it’s been a long time. and i feel exciting. ofc i have to enjoy after i only stay at home for a couple day.
and maybe it just me that come alone and enjoy alone in there haha but u know what? i don’t care
i look around and people they having fun with friends, with their lover. they look so happy and no thinking. just savor the moment.
and then.. some music it’s reminding me about my good memories. and it make felt sad as well. but i just try to smile and dancing myself.
did i really want this?
i ask myself again bcuz this is not actually i want.
its make me figure out. even though i want to exciting things when i feel no good, felt bored or lonely.
it never make me happy at all. plus my condition is really bad now. i’ll talk about it later:)
if it’s me before. i will just keep enjoy the moment, go out, find new exciting things without care anything and then just get drunk, sex just like that.
but now why i felt so lonely among the people. why i feel something missing even im in crowded places
yay after break up is always hurt and have no energy or motivation. it’s normal
and about my mental health. i got very bad experiences about it after doing “ happy balloon”
now i think im weak more than before. even just drink alcohol today…
after 1 hours i drink even just 1 cocktails and a bit of whiskey i buy.
i suddenly feel tired, my heartbeat is getting faster. and i couldn't even just for standing, dizzy, and feel pain on my neck, nauseous, i feel hurt on my stomach, im sweating, my hands and feet have no any feeling. and couldn't even speak or respond well, im really feel torture at that time. i can feel like im about to die at that moment
i feel really weak and i was like…
if u here. u will bring me to home safely
u can be drunk, cuz i will protect u
this sentence is pop up in my mind at that moment. how much i have to be strong? omg
“ why we break up again “
for a couple days. i keep thinking and try to figure out about that until now. my brain almost exploded
try thinking ur mind and thinking about my mind
i can explain everything all. but i just want u to listen me as well… if so., we can solve it well at that time and we not gonna end up like this again and again.
we sick of each other
i agreed with u this time.
i also try to explain everything after we break up. i come to u even though u don’t want.
cuz i don’t want to make u misunderstanding about the problem and me.
i want to know u more
and i want to share many things about me more as well.
but this time…
i feel so tired to explain cuz i think it’s time for us to just go to live our life.
u also want to be alone, u also want to live ur life.
i will let u go this time.
if we really means to be together.
i hope someday we will come back to love each other again in better versions of us.
but if not…i will just wish u all the best
actually when i doing happy balloon. i recording everything and about the problem this time as well. cuz i think i can say everything honestly what’s in my mind at that moment.
actually i want someone to listen me well. cuz i feel uncomfortable if i can’t speck out something. so that’s why i recorded it
yes im hight but as told u.
my brain is work very hard and i just want to speak out everything. like everything especially about our relationship “
but how i can do? cuz i think u will never listen to me anymore and also.. im so tired to explain
u know what? i go to u every time cuz i want to keep our relationship and try to figure out what’s exactly make us like that.
but plz know that.
i am still trying to be better person bcuz of u.
thank u again
even i didn’t try my best for u.
im sorry.
anyway.. about my condition again.
actually i didn’t go hospital today cuz i think it just nothing and i think im healthy. but i was wrong
im regretting now about drug. its make myself weaker more than before. so now i quit about happy balloon or alcohol for a while and make sure i will be fine later.
i think the effect is very dangerous.
anyway..
now im on sofa, my favorite place and try to writing down my thinking.
as soon as i get home.
i clean up my make up without shower again but it’s ok haha cuz im alone.
but everyday when wake up. i feel like i don’t want to wake up. i wanna sleep forever
cuz real life is too much painful and messy for me.
but u know what? u make me want to try so many things even though im so lazy. even though just small things. u make me motivate to live
i can sleep well, i can eat well even we are in different place. but i feel comfortable and safe when i have u^^
but every night when the sky is getting dark.
my weakness is all come to me. my thinking about u is make me stay up and again think and think.
and i really don’t like this feeling at night.
but i’ll get over it well, when the time goes and i hope u will do it well too.
last but not least. i want to share the song that describes my feelings right now.
i will not delete this post cuz i’ll keep it as a good memories. and reminded me.
i miss u still
good luck
2 May 2024
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