N : Well, if I am really creating my life and the life around me the way that I choose, then I choose for all of us to truly embrace the call to our own ministry in the world. I am so inspired by people such as Joan Beck (whose name I’ve changed to protect this person’s identity), who gifted me in January 2003 with a personal sharing of how the death of her son changed her life.
Jason —her firstborn son— was eighteen, a senior in high school. He tragically drowned the first day of swim class. His death devastated Joan, her family, and her community.
Joan explained that she never realized just how physical the healing of her grief could be. Two short days after Jason’s death, she felt him with her. She says that she couldn’t have made it through the heartbreaking experience without him there.
Joan’s experience of connecting with her son spiritually instigated her journey to understand the meaning behind Jason’s death. As the daughter of a United Methodist minister, she believed that God was present, but expecting her to take care of her own life.
But she just couldn’t figure out why her beloved son had to die. After all, Joan had always been a good mother, teaching her children right from wrong.
After Jason’s physicality passed away, Joan explained to me that her son remained a partner in her search for answers. He would guide her, even when she resisted the truth.
Joan had never had much contact with the gym teacher, but after Jason’s death, she kept running into him. Jason helped Joan realize that forgiving the gym teacher was the proper course of action. Now she feels liberated from her feelings of anger. Although she worries that some people might think she’s nuts, she takes solace in the fact that she’s found a new way of life.
‘I know, Joan, how desperately you must have felt when Jason died, and I am so glad that he found a way to stay connected with you, so that you might have his help in dealing with all of this—and in leading you to larger and larger truths,
I am clear now that this was Jason’s purpose from the very beginning. Each of us comes into each others lives for a reason and a purpose. It almost always has to do with some level of spiritual growth. You have also come into the life of this gym teacher for the same reason. As terrible a you must feel about what happened, I can imagine what he must feel as well.
Even though he may not show it, I am certain that he is devastated inside. This happened on his watch. He can never live that down, never do anything to change it. He will cry to himself at night for many, many years, I am sure.
I hope that you have not only forgiven him in your heart, but talked with him in person, and shared your human love with him, to let him know that you understand how terrible he must feel (even if he isn’t showing it, I repeat), and that you want him to know not that you ‘forgive’ him (which makes it sound like he did something ‘wrong’ for which he is ‘guilty,’ but that you are letting him ‘off the hook’)
but that you have no need to forgive him, because you are clear that he is a good man, that he did nothing on purpose or with malicious intent, and that what happened was a tragedy that just happened. It just happened. These things occur in life. These things happen. And no one is ‘at fault’ in things such as this.
Tell him that you understand this, and that you hope he has been able to get on with his life as you are now getting on with yours, still ready and able to bring joy and love and laughter and happiness into the lives of others.
Yes, and tell him that Jason wants him to remember always the many hundreds of young men whose lives he has touched in positive and important ways—and that his days of doing that are far from over. And that to learn how to live with a mistake is to transform tragedy into blessing, healing all of humankind, for all of us have made mistakes in life, and all of us are human, and all of us are also capable of giving and bringing much love to the world, and all of us will, if we allow ourselves to.
God : “This is how Joan can be a real minister. You do not have to be ‘ordained’ to be a minister in the world. God has ordained you by virtue of your being alive. You can be—and are—a minister right now. Every day, if you look for it, you will find a chance to bring your ministry of healing and of love to someone new.”
Neale : What can I say to those who are dying❓ Until now this has always been a tough one for me. For most of us. I would imagine. What comfort can I offer them❓
G : “If you find people who believe that forgiveness is what is required to make them ‘worthy of heaven,’ offer them forgiveness—and tell them that God does so also.
“If you find people who believe that they will be stepping right into the arms of God and their loved ones after their death, offer them confirmation—and tell them that God does so also.
“The God of your understanding is with you now, even in this hour, at this precise moment. If you have no understanding of God, that will not matter. God is still here, in this place, with you right now, whispering to your soul, ‘You are welcome, whenever you are ready to come Home.’
“’You shall not be turned away, not for any cause or reason. If there is cause or reason you believe to be valid, God —should you want God to— in this moment erases it. God —should you want God to— in this moment makes all paths clear, all roads straight, saying, “Make way for my beloved, who chooses to be Home with God.’
“This prayer is offered for you, wonderful child of the universe, as you embark on the most joyful journey you have ever taken, filled with wondrous surprises. A journey into the greatest happiness you have ever known, and the grandest experience you will ever have.
“Dream now of glorious things. Dream of every fantasy come true. Dream of every pain disappearing, of everything of which time has robbed you being given back to you again. Dream of seeing loved ones once more—those who have gone before and those who will follow.
“Know for a certainty that when you leave here, you will be again with all those who have held a place in your heart and have gone before. And do not worry about those you leave behind, for you will see them, too, again and again, and love them, too, again and again, through all eternity, and even in the present moment. For there can be no separation where there is love, and no waiting where there is only Now.
“Smile, then, at the joyful anticipation of what is in store. These gifts have been laid up for you, and God has only been waiting for you to return Home to receive them.